Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

McConnell Blames OJ For His Ex-Wife’s Multiple Stab Wounds, Says He’s Would Have Voted Not Guilty

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (Q-Moscow) weighed in...

Single Term President Loses One More Vote Count and “Wins” Again

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When it comes to losing vote counts, there...

Klansman Blames Cancel Culture for Getting Fired After His Hood Slips Off

COUSINBANGER, KENTUCKY -- For the last fifteen years, Clem C. Calhoun...

McConnell Blames Arsonist for Torched Building, Says He’s Not Guilty

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last night, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell was...

Trump Impeachment Attorney: “If My Client Is Full Of Shit, You Must Acquit!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Michael Van der Veen, attorney representing former President...

‘The Mandalorian’ Will Digitally Replace Gina Carano With AOC Wearing a Mask

BURBANK, CALIFORNIA -- It’s been a busy week for Disney Star...

Ben Shapiro Announces That Scott Baio and Gina Carano Will Star in “Washed-Up Star Wars”

HOLLYWOOB, CALIFORNIA -- It didn't take long for embattled alleged actress...

Gina Carano Sets Up OnlyNaziFans Account

HOLLYWOOB, CALIFORNIA -- This week, alleged actress and former human punching...

Impeachment Lawyers Will Show Senate Republicans the Jar Trump Keeps Their Balls In

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This week, the second impeachment trial of former...