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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Lifestyle

I Asked a Klansman If He’s Voting For Biden Since They’re Both Democrats. He Punched Me.

"Man, it's really true what they say about Democrats. They're snowflakes." We all know a few facts about American politics: It's largely a two-party system We vote for presidents once every four years The popular vote doesn't always decide the president Democrats started the KKK...
Lifestyle

For Conservatives, Fart Naps Are Quickly Replacing Power Naps

"While some might casually observe the irony in someone who belittles his opponent as "Sleepy Joe" being so frequently unable to keep himself awake, they're missing the larger point. Trump has once again started blazing a trail..." There's a hot new trend among conservatives, and...
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U.S. Politics

Matt Gaetz Blows .18 on Breathalyzer After Barging Into Closed Door Impeachment Hearing

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Shortly after he and several other Congressional Republicans broke into a...
Tech

Zuckerberg Assures Congress Facebook Sees Profitable Personal Data on Both Sides

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg gave testimony to the House Financial Services...
MAGA News

MAGA Boy Can’t Understand Why President Would Call Impeachment a ‘Good Thing Like Lynching’

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster, YouTube producer, and singer/songwriter Jethro Bohiggins is...
Tech

Mark Zuckerberg Totally Won’t Mind Us Publishing That He Fucks Sheep on His Social Media Platform

Mark Zuckerberg, founder and CEO of Facebook, enjoys fucking sheep. At least we're pretty...
MAGA News

6 Reasons Congress Simply Cannot Impeach and Remove Donald Trump From Office

Most of the news in and around the Washington, D.C. area these days pertains...
MAGA News

President David Dennison Mocks Mitt Romney for Having a Secret “Pierre Delecto” Twitter Account

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President David Dennison, relaxing in the Oval Office with a Diet...
History

President Orders James Madison Arrested for Plotting Coup Against Him

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has issued a direct order to the Justice...
MAGA News

Trump Hereby Orders Constitution’s References to “Impeachment” Changed to “Coup “

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, The Archduke of D-List Reality TV Hosts His Royal...
MAGA News

Mulvaney: “There Wasn’t a Quid Pro Quo, But Also There Was, and Yet There Wasn’t, But Even There Was, Shut Up. Also There Wasn’t.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A visibly shaken and confused Mick Mulvaney, acting Chief of Staff...
Lifestyle

Spoiled Little Rich Bitch Takes Daddy’s Silver Spoon Out of His Mouth to Accuse Others of Nepotism

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- A spoiled little rich bitch, who also happens to...
MAGA News

Doctors Confirm Nancy’s Are Bigger Than Trump’s

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Doctors in the D.C. area have confirmed for the American public...
MAGA News

Trump Accuses Democrats of Trying to Steal an Election By Getting More Votes

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As the battle over impeachment rages on, President Donald Trump has...
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Latest articles

Lifestyle

I Asked a Klansman If He’s Voting For Biden Since They’re Both Democrats. He Punched Me.

"Man, it's really true what they say about Democrats. They're snowflakes." We all know a...
Lifestyle

For Conservatives, Fart Naps Are Quickly Replacing Power Naps

"While some might casually observe the irony in someone who belittles his opponent as...
Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)