The annual Trump Christmas Party will not be held at the same location that called it home for the past four years, despite the best efforts of legal geniuses such as MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell or OAN host Jack “Rape Melania” Posobiec, however America’s former First Crime Family just announced the location of the party’s new venue.
“We all know that preparations for the annual Trump Klan Kountry Khristmas Celebration should be going on at the White House this very moment, but thanks to the Dems cheating by counting votes after they were casted, that isn’t happening,” Eric Trump tweeted this morning.
“But the Cancel Culture Left won’t keep the Trumps down! President Daddy’s already got a new place to have his party, and it was his idea, too! He said we can just move it from the White House to our White Power House. So I’m pleased to announce everyone is invited to Mar-A-Lago for this year’s party! Well, not everyone’s invited. Daddy still hates most of his low-class, poor as shit followers; you can’t change President Daddy!”
Attendees will be treated to much of the same festivities as they would have had between 2017 and 2020, Trump’s other son, Donald Jr, told Fox News’ Tucker Carlson last night.
“We’ll play all sorts of fun games, and sing Christmas carols. Then, at midnight, the traditional stocking stuffing happens,” Don Jr. teased.
“Ivanka’s really up for it this year, too. Some years she acts like she doesn’t want President Daddy to stuff her stockings, but not this year! She seems really into it this year!”
While the event is meant to be fun and casual, Don Jr. did announce that there would be a “minimal set of guidelines for guest behavior.”
“First of off, women must enter knowing that they can and will have their pussies grabbed at any time, without any prior warning. Second of off, though, and this is like, way, way more important-er. You have to keep calling Daddy ‘President.’ He still thinks he is president, and as a racist, rich, white man, the Constitution guarantees he gets to have it his way. Like Burger King, Sean.”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.