Trump Bails On Next GOP Debate So He Can Miss Megyn Kelly’s ‘Ragtime Blues’

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Vallée Rouge, Iowa — The war of words between Fox News, current 2016 Republican front runner Donald Trump, and the conservative news outlet’s star anchor Megyn Kelly came to a head this week when Trump was ousted from this week’s Republican debate when Fox refused to have someone besides Kelly moderate the debate.

Citing what he felt would be unfair treatment from Fox and specifically from Ms. Kelly, Trump and his team decided to skip this week’s debate in Iowa — the last one before the primary is held in the state. The two sides exchanged statements in the press and social media in which Fox said they wouldn’t let their anchor and debate moderator fall prey to Trump’s “terrorizations,” and Trump bashing Fox for forcing him away from the debate stage when they depend on him for the broadcast’s ratings.

At a press conference early Wednesday morning, Trump explained to reporters that he wasn’t “at all” intimidated by Kelly’s questioning as many have suggested, but instead is “staying a safe distance” away from her while she has “the Ragtime Blues.”

“Look, I’m a yooge fan of Fox News, and of Mig-in on a personification level,” Trump told reporters, “but the truth is, and I talked about this in the debate last August, but when she’s got the Ragtime Blues she’s a little, you know,” and he trailed off but took his hands, made devil’s horns with them, and put them atop his head. Trump then stated stampeding around the room repeating, “Wook at me, I’m a big ol’ meanie girl on my peewee-id!”

Trump told the press that “much like a bear” he can “smell a period” on women and he has had a longstanding rule at all of his companies that when a female employee is menstruating that she be put in a special, isolated and temperature controlled room.

“With all those sanitarium napkins and pontoons that they use during their Ragtime Blues,” Trump said, “it’s just more hygienic for them to be excluded from the rest of us normal humans who don’t bleed in our crotches for fun.” When asked by a reporter if he really meant to imply that women ovulate and menstruate for entertainment, Trump stared blankly for a few moments and then took the next question.

Donald J. Trump entered the presidential race on June 16th, 2015 and has not trailed in the public opinion polls since.

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