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John Schnatter

Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....
Lifestyle

Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops

"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are...
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Food and Dining

Hermain Cain and Ben Carson Are Buying Papa John’s and Renaming It “Uncle Toms”

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY -- Two former Republican presidential candidates -- Hermain Cain and Dr. Ben...
Business

Richard Spencer Named Papa John’s New Chairman

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY -- In an attempt fill the vacancy left by outgoing chairman and...
Business

Papa John’s Promises Ousting John Schnatter As CEO Will Not Make Pizzas “Any Less Shit-Tastic Or Cardboardrific”

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY -- The man who is the "Papa" of Papa John's pizza will...
Business

Papa John’s Briefly Considered Switching to “Less Diarrhea-tastic” Recipe Before Blaming Uppity Blacks for Flagging Sales

"We realized it was actually uppity black people peacefully protesting that was making our pizza taste like shit."

Latest articles

Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....
Lifestyle

Nothing Says Understanding American Freedom Like Cheering for Teenagers to Get Beaten by Cops

"...one thing I have now learned is that fascism and freedom of speech are...
Women's Rights

Florida’s Abortion Ban Has This Incel Considering a Move to Florida to Start a New Rape Family

"...Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I...
Criminal Justice

I Have a Wish List of Things Dark Brandon Should Do With His Presidential Immunity

Some people might really think that if the Supreme Court says presidents have immunity...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)