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Mike Pence Asks Heaven If Jesus Could Join Coronavirus Response Team
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, the Executive Vice President of Trinity, Inc., held his weekly press conference before the Pearly Gates...
UPDATE: No YOU’RE Drinking Too Much During the Coronavirus Quarantine, Asshole!
Oh, oh, you think I've had too much to drink, do you? You think this is somekinda pattern lately, eh? You're all, like, "Boo...
Trump Supporter Not Sure He Has Enough Bleach for Robes AND COVID-19 Vaccine
COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Bohiggins makes no qualms about being a devout and proud supporter of President Donald...
Trump Supporter’s Veins Feel Clean and COVID-Free Right Before He Dies
LAISOLE VALLEY, ARKANSAS -- Doctors attending to his final moments say that Hoss Huckleberry, a local man and avid, die hard Trump supporter, passed...
Trump Supporter Takes Knee During National Anthem to Protest Coronavirus Lockdown
COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Jethro Bohiggins has, by his estimation at least, recorded no fewer than 36 hours of material on former NFL...
Taco Bell Unveils New “Nacho Cheese Chalu-IPA” Craft Beer
IRVINE, CALIFORNIA -- Alleged food purveyor Taco Bell will be the latest California-based company to enter the craft beer market, according to executives on...
Devin Nunes: ‘Only 10,000 Benghazis’ Not Worth Shutting Down Economy Over COVID-19
DIPSHIT, CALIFORNIA -- On September 11th, 2012, a terrorist attack was carried out on a U.S. consular building in Benghazi, Libya. During the attack,...
Oprah Winfrey School of Medicine Revokes Degrees Given to Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS -- One of the nation's leading reality-TV medical schools has decided to revoke the degrees they conferred on two of their most...
Historians Unearth Draft of Famous Patrick Henry ‘Give Me Retail Shopping and Give Me...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Researchers at the National Academy of History and Past Events announced this morning that they've made a rather interesting and unforeseen...
Local Idiots Demand Right to Die for Retail Commerce
DUMBERG, OHIO -- The village idiots of a town in Ohio stormed their town's retail centers, demanding that they be allowed to shop in...
