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Pat Robertson Blames Coronavirus on 2015 Supreme Court Gay Marriage Decision
VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- The United States Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality almost five years ago, and it's taken that long...
White House to Begin Reporting Coronavirus and Democrat Hoax Deaths Separately
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Trump administration has made the determination that it needs to release two separate counts of coronavirus-related fatalities in its daily...
Rep. Kevin McCarthy: “The Democrats Are Playing Politics With Corporate CEO Bonuses Hanging in...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Trump's Sphincter) lashed out at Senate Democrats just moments ago, accusing them of "playing politics" at...
Screeching, Racist Broom Handle In A Blonde Wig Will Fill In While Tomi Lahren...
LA CULERA RUBIA ARRUGADA, CALIFORNIA -- Fox News has announced that one of their contributors will be on a self-imposed quarantine after she was...
McConnell: “How Dare Democrats Play Games With the Republicans’ Corporate Slush Fund in Times...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For the most part, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Moscow) has made his reputation as a stalwart, stoic politician who doesn't...
Officials Fear Major Canadian Comedian Import Deficit If Northern Border Remains Closed
HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA -- If the border between the United States and Canada remains closed for too long, officials fear there could be a major...
Big Time Wall Street Asshole Really Lovin’ That Socialism (and Cocaine) Now, Mothafuckas!
NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- "You know what," Will Palumbozo asked our reporter over coffee that costs more than $14 after gratuity a couple...
Devin Nunes Accuses Hillary Clinton of Emailing Coronavirus to World and Then Deleting It
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congressman Devin Nunes stepped out from underneath the testicular region of President Donald Trump's taint to accuse former Secretary of State...
American Cancer Assures Public He’s Still Focused on Stopping Spread of “Chinese Virus”
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The President of the United States -- an American cancer in an ill-fitting suit -- gave an update to the American...
CDC Recommends Washing Hands For At Least As Long As It Takes For You...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Centers for Disease Control have issued a fresh new set of guidelines aimed at helping to stem the tide of...
