Cruz: “Does Joe Biden Really Plan to Go Four Years Not Rage Tweeting About Cable News Ratings?”

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An angry Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) took to the Senate floor today and blasted President Joe Biden. The idea that Cruz would criticize the president publicly is likely not shocking to many; he’s a Republican and Biden is a Democrat.

However, the subject of Cruz’s criticism is what made many on the Hill sit up and take notice.

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“I rise today and pose a simple question to all my colleagues — just what in the hell does Joe Biden do with all his time in the Oval Office? That’s what I want to know,” Cruz intoned this morning. “For four glorious years we had a president who understood the hard work you could put in while watching 18 hours of cable news every day and then golfing the rest of the time. After reading through all of President Biden’s tweets since he took office, I shockingly couldn’t find a single angry tweet storm. Not even about cable news ratings!”

Cruz assailed Biden for not having the courage to insult his wife Heidi.

“And while we’re at it, while we’re pointing out Joe Biden’s communist hatred of rage tweets, may I ask what’s taking him so long to call my wife Heidi ugly? We’re waiting, Joe,” Cruz said, tapping his watch. “He just seems like a lazy man to me. I’m sorry, it’s just laziness. A year in office and not a single rage tweet about CNN’s ratings?”

The Texas Republican is convinced that Biden will “slink away” whenever his time in office is completed, having never once tweeted his outrage about cable news ratings.

“The last guy knew instinctively what REAL Americans want. REAL Americans, the ones who think mayo is just spicy enough thank you very much, want rage tweets about cable news ratings, and trolling. Oh dear fuck do they want trolling,” Cruz insisted. “So, tell me, Democrats. Does Joe Biden really plan to go four years not rage tweeting about cable news ratings? Because that sounds pretty damn impeachable to me, and I know a certain equine faced domestic terrorist from Georgia in the House who would agree with me.”

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