Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Absolute Monsters Have Masked Stranger Inject 10 Year Old, Protecting Her From Deadly Pandemic

SALK LAKE, CALIFORNIA -- Eyewitnesses say they were "stunned," and their...

Greene Accuses Biden of ‘Using Critical Race Theory’ to Remove “White” from “White Christmas”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) appeared on...

Biden Informs January 6th Insurrectionist He Can Pardon Turkeys, Not Lemmings

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Stretching back several decades, the sitting U.S. President...

Are Humans Capable of Chanting “Let’s Go Brandon!” Without Having a Lobotomy?

In certain parts of the Bible Belt and throughout Red America,...

Sinema Worries Her Party Might Try to Pass Its Agenda in Response to Youngkin Victory

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A distraught Sen. Kyrsten Sinema (D?-AZ) told reporters...

Super Brave, Heavily Armed Patriot Too Cowardly to Shout ‘Fuck Joe Biden!’ at NASCAR Race

BEDFORD FOREST, MICHIGAN -- He estimates that he has roughly six...

Poll: Majority Support Spending $6 Billion to Yeet Elon Musk to Pluto

Billionaire Elon Musk -- who reportedly is on track to become...

Meta Nazis Have Already Meta Infested Facebook’s Newly Rebranded “Meta”

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Last week, Facebook announced that it...

Brandon Can’t Go, Because He Got COVID, Took Horse Dewormer for It, and Died

In what could be devastating news for millions of Confederate Americans,...