Totally Bulls*it News

Greenlander Would Rather Not Lose Universal Healthcare to Join “Shit Hole” Country

"Why would we want to join a shit hole country that doesn't even give us basic human health services like every other developed nation?" When...

Obama Gun Confiscation Count: Week #409

Another weekly look at the stockpile of arms Obama has taken from the people.

“My Name is Rick Santorum, and Here’s Why I Am Frothing to Be Your President”

Rick Santorum wants to be president really badly, and he even told us all why.

5 Ways Obama Has Totally Destroyed the Constitution

How has Obama destroyed the Constitution? We have five ways right here, pal.

Reince Priebus: GOP Hired Engineers To Fit All 180 Candidates on Debate Stage

RNC Chairman Reince Priebus says his party's re-engineered stage will fit all the myriad candidates for president they currently have.

What These 2016 Presidential Hopefuls Would Do For a Klondike Bar

We asked ten 2016 presidential hopefuls a very important question.

Pat Robertson: ‘I’m Not Sure Who or What to Blame Texas Flooding On’

Rev. Pat Robertson just can't figure out why super-conservative, super-Christian Texas was hit with God's wrath, when it's usually pro-gay states that get it.

Justice Scalia ‘Too Focused’ on Gay Sex to ‘Even Think About’ Poor and Sick People

Can Justice Scalia focus well enough to write scorching refutations of modernity on TWO separate subjects?

Rand Paul: ‘Universal Health Care Means Doctors Are Well-Paid Slaves!’

Rand Paul doesn't believe in Universal Health Care, partially because he has no clue what slavery is or was.

Bill O’Reilly: ‘I Must’ve Been Accidentally Listening to Tons of Gang-Star Rap Back Then’

Bill O'Reilly has been accused of domestic violence in his messy custody battle with his ex-wife. His excuse may surprise you.

Bobby Jindal: ‘I Am Willing to Enact Jindal-ria Law to Keep the Gays Down’

LA Governor Bobby Jindal is trying on a little bit of Sharia for the masses.