Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

U.S. Takes Break From Thumping Its Chest to Slap Itself On Back – With Fireworks!

The Fourth f July is the day of the year that America stops thumping its chest long enough to slap itself on its back for a "job well done" in democracy.

Obama Gun Confiscation Count: Week #414

The Obama Gun Grab just keeps rolling on and on. See how many guns he snatched up this week here.

Massive Crowd Greets Man Who Has Absolutely No Chance of Winning Presidency

MADISON, WISCONSIN -- While it is undeniable fact that unless one...

Country Ignores Burning Black Churches For Consistency’s Sake

What is going on with the rash of black churches burning recently? Don't ask most Americans.

LA Gay Couple Prepared To Be Blamed for All Natural Disasters ‘From Here On Out’

This gay couple is ready to be blamed for everything under the sun, unless that explodes too, in the wake of the SCOTUS gay marriage ruling.

Republicans Turn Off All Lights Outside Congress In Support Of The Dark Ages

In response to a rainbow White House, Republicans have turned the rotunda dark.

Obama Gun Confiscation Count: Week #413

When will Obama stop this reign of terror?!

Texas Gov. Abbot: ‘Constitution-Shmonstitution, No Gay Marriage In Texas Dagnabbit!’

Texas' Gov. Abbot might be a lawyer, but his constitutional knowledge? Well...

Ted Cruz Literally Explodes After Obamacare, Gay Marriage Decisions

The Texas demagogue was found in his hotel room, or at least what was chemically identifiable as Ted Cruz was found in his hotel room.

AMA Issues Warning About ‘Republican Butt-Hurt’ Epidemic After Obamacare Ruling

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A spokesman for the Amiercan Medical Association has...