Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Ted Cruz Says He’ll Stand Under the Mistletoe With Trump If Ivanka Won’t

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During a weekly press conference held by Senate...

Biden Signs Presidential Declaration Stating “All Holidays Matter”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In an official signing ceremony held in the...

Jack Dorsey Leaving Twitter to Be a Billionaire Fuckface Somewhere Else, We Guess, Who Cares?

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- The tech world was rocked today...

Trump Family Moves Annual Christmas Party from White House to White Powerhouse

The annual Trump Christmas Party will not be held at the...

Rittenhouse Offered to Shoot Someone on 5th Avenue for Trump During Their Mar-A-Lago Meeting

MAR-A-LAGO, FLORIDUH -- Former, one term, tiny-donged, daughter lusting, twice forever...

Tucker Carlson: Dark Meat ‘Doesn’t Belong’ Next to White Meat on His Dinner Plate

When Fox News host Tucker Carlson sits down to eat Thanksgiving...

Republican State Rep. Wants to ‘Defend Christmas’ by Outlawing ‘All Pagan Rituals and Holidays’

CORNHOLE, TEXAS -- State Rep. Tom Thompaulsen (R-TX) filed paperwork in...

Who’s Most Innocent: OJ Simpson, Bill Cosby, George Zimmerman, or Kyle Rittenhouse?

Now that his trial has been concluded, and he has been...