Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Muslim American Wondering When He Can Start Generalizing About Christians

One American Muslim ponders when he'll get to make assumptions about Christians like they make about him.

Heaven to Close Gates and Turn Away Xenophobic Americans

God and his son Jesus are not happy about some Americans' response to the Syrian refugee crisis.

Syrian Refugee Wants To Dodge American Bullets For A Change

One Syrian refugee tells us why he wants to move to America.

Area Atheist Doesn’t Want Any More ‘Damn Christian Terrorists’ Moving To Her City

One atheist woman in Wisconsin wants to welcome Syrian refugees into her state, no matter what her governor thinks.

Jesus H. Christ Offers to Give Republican Politicians a Christianity Refresher Course

Hearing Republicans want to deny Syrian refugees entry to the United States, Jesus Hubert Christ wants to remind so-called Christians how to be Christian.

Reince Preibus: GOP Candidates Know Hating Muslims is Only Path To Peace

RNC Chair Reince Priebus defends the GOP candidates' use of anti-Islamic rhetoric in response to the Paris terror attacks.

Who Said It: Ben Carson or A Box Of Rocks?

Can you guess whether Dr. Ben Carson or a Box of Rocks said each of these 7 things?

Obama Calls Paris Attacks ‘Islamist Terrorism,’ ISIS Immediately Surrenders

Like magic, as soon as Obama used the words "Islamist Terrorism" to describe the Paris attacks, ISIS surrendered.

French Officials Consider Sending Bill For Terror Clean Up to Dick Cheney

Officials in France are considering the legality of sending a bill to Dick Cheney for cleaning up after the Paris terror attack.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #354

As Obama's Gun Confiscation marches on, the question becomes will any guns be left in America when he's done?