Totally Bulls*it News

Can I File an Extension If I’m Not Ready to Control My Wife By January 20th?

I don't really want to go to jail because I couldn't figure out how to wrangle my wife's genitals into their holding pen before...

D.C. Area Pigeon Promises to ‘S*** All Over’ Cheney Statue ‘Like He S*** All Over This Country’

A Dick Cheney Statue is going to be installed at the U.S. Capitol, and one pigeon has pledged to do his part in response.

Conservative Economics Student Explains Why The Poor Should Just Be Left to Die Off

One young capitalist thinks we should be playing some Social Darwinism with the poor.

Houston: Conservatives Assert Their Right to Know Where You’re Pooing

Houston's Proposition 1 just failed, and this young libertarian Houstonian is going to tell you why.

10 Ted Cruz-Approved GOP Debate Questions

Ted Cruz put out a list of the only 50 debate questions he'd answer, and we have ten of the best for you.

God Fires Mike Huckabee

God has fired Mike Huckabee after the Governor implied insurance companies should be allowed to deny coverage to people with preexisting conditions.

Carly Fiorina: I Know Where Luke Is In The New “Star Wars” Movie

Does Carly Fiorina know something every Star Wars fan is dying to know?

Reince Priebus Holds Seance to Contact Reagan’s Ghost to Write GOP Debate Questions

The internal Republican struggle over questions and format has caused their chairman to seek special consult for the next GOP Debate.

Tons of Morons Have Wasted $10 Million Donating To Another Moron’s Presidential Campaign

Ben Carson's campaign has been raking in the donations, and thanks in no small part to special sub-set of Republican voters

Paul Ryan Takes Break From His Kid’s Afternoon Soccer Game To Explain Why Paid Family Leave is Wrong

Is Paul Ryan a hypocrite or just a plain ol' Republican for insisting on his own family time but not caring enough to ensure regular Americans get theirs?