Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Gay Texan: America’s An Island We’re All Trapped on Waiting For Louie Gohmert To Die

Louie Gohmert recently fantasized in front of a bible college audience about rounding up gay people and putting them on an island to die off, and one gay Texan is incensed.

Jesus to Michele Bachmann: ‘I’m Not Coming Until You Shut Up’

Michele Bachmann thinks violence is on the rise in Israel because Jesus is coming back; Jesus on the other hand disagrees.

Marco Rubio to Publish New Book, “How to Live Like a Baller”

On his quest for the White House, Marco Rubio has penned a new financial self-help book.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #353

Obama's Gun Confiscation keeps rollin', rollin', rollin.

Fuming Fiorina to Ben Carson: I’m the Liar, You’re The Dumb One!

Ben Carson just caught in a lie, and that makes the GOP's preeminent liar in the election very, very mad.

Obama’s Socialist Takeover Shocker: U.S. Economy Adds 270k New Jobs In October

The October employment numbers are in, and Republicans do not like them, but not because they aren't good.

Trans Man to Ben Carson: Dumb People in the White House Make ME Uncomfortable

Trans people make Ben Carson uncomfortable, hence his ironic discrimination.

GOP Consultant ‘Not Sure’ Candidates Drumming Up Enough Hate for Mexicans

This GOP consultant thinks there's a lot more room for subtle xenophobia in the field of candidates.

D.C. Area Pigeon Promises to ‘S*** All Over’ Cheney Statue ‘Like He S*** All Over This Country’

A Dick Cheney Statue is going to be installed at the U.S. Capitol, and one pigeon has pledged to do his part in response.