Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

“Donald Trump’s Supreme Court Shortlist”

Believe it or not Donald Trump gets to pick our next Supreme Court Justice, but who will he pick? We've got some ideas here.

Anti-Vaxxer Outraged Friends ‘Listened to Common Sense and Science,’ and Had Their Baby Vaccinated

An anti-vaxxer in California was absolutely devastated when he found out a friend and his wife had their baby girl vaccinated.

Trump Asks Flynn To Help Him Translate Inaugural Address Into Russian

Donald Trump needs a little special help preparing a draft of his inaugural address for a very special friend over in Russia.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #411

If stopping President Barack Hussein Obama in his undless quest for gun confiscation matters to you, see this list of his weekly victims.

Trump Considering Hillary Clinton For Secretary Of Campaign Promise Keeping

It was a rough year for Hillary Clinton, but maybe Donald Trump can offer her a position in his cabinet that makes it just a bit better.

Trump Takes Credit For Affordable Care Act And Being The First President Of Color

Everyone knows the Affordable Care Act is one of President Trump's signature achievements, along with breaking the sound barrier and curing AIDS.

“Donald Trump’s 2017 New Year’s Resolutions”

Donald Trump's got the best resolutions. Many people are saying it. They say that Trump's resolutions are the best resolutions.

After 2016, God Says He’s Having His ‘Aim Re-calibrated’

Larry "God" Schumway says he feels terrible about how bad his aim was in 2016 and promises to have it rectified for 2017.

Suspicious Bag Of Dicks Forces Evacuation Of Trump Tower

For the second day in a row, Trump Tower had to be evacuated when a suspicious bag was discovered in the lobby of the skyscraper.

Putin Getting Anxious To ‘Take It To The Next Level’ With Trump

Looks like things between everyone's favorite power couple, Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump are really starting to heat up!