Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Admits Wanting To Know What Vladimir Putin’s Dick Tastes Like

Donald Trump is focusing on beefing up his foreign policy chops, starting with getting to the bottom of the taste of Vladimir Putin's penis.

Man Plans Transition From Blaming Obama For Everything To Blaming Obama For Everything Trump Fucks Up

Blaming Obama has become such a routine, vital part of this man's life that he's had to plan for how to handle it when Trump is president.

Trump Has To Return Winter Gloves Putin Gave Him For Christmas

President-elect Donald Trump couldn't use the very nice Christmas gift Russian president Vladimir Putin gave him, so he returned it.

“Donald Trump’s Supreme Court Shortlist”

Believe it or not Donald Trump gets to pick our next Supreme Court Justice, but who will he pick? We've got some ideas here.

Anti-Vaxxer Outraged Friends ‘Listened to Common Sense and Science,’ and Had Their Baby Vaccinated

An anti-vaxxer in California was absolutely devastated when he found out a friend and his wife had their baby girl vaccinated.

Trump Asks Flynn To Help Him Translate Inaugural Address Into Russian

Donald Trump needs a little special help preparing a draft of his inaugural address for a very special friend over in Russia.

Obama’s Gun Confiscation Count: Week #411

If stopping President Barack Hussein Obama in his undless quest for gun confiscation matters to you, see this list of his weekly victims.

Trump Considering Hillary Clinton For Secretary Of Campaign Promise Keeping

It was a rough year for Hillary Clinton, but maybe Donald Trump can offer her a position in his cabinet that makes it just a bit better.

Trump Takes Credit For Affordable Care Act And Being The First President Of Color

Everyone knows the Affordable Care Act is one of President Trump's signature achievements, along with breaking the sound barrier and curing AIDS.

“Donald Trump’s 2017 New Year’s Resolutions”

Donald Trump's got the best resolutions. Many people are saying it. They say that Trump's resolutions are the best resolutions.