Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Finds Evidence Of 3 Trillion Illegal Votes Underneath Obama’s Kenyan Birth Certificate In White House Vault

Co-President Donald Trump may have just cracked two cases that have been driving the sub-commander in chief batty for some time.

Out Of Toilet Paper, Trump Uses The First Amendment To Wipe His Gigantic, Disgusting, Orange Ass

It was a tense few moments, but luckily Donald Trump had the First Amendment handy and could wipe his butt with it.

Bannon In Negotiations To Commission Clone Army To Round Up Mexicans And Deport Them

If he can't get the National Guard to do it, President Steve Bannon has another idea to start the process of mass deportation.

Trump, Bannon, Miller To Close CPAC By Opening Ark Of The Covenant

Co-Presidents Bannon and Trump told the organizers of CPAC that they will close out the conservative conference with great fanfare.

Trump Offers To Cut Medicare and Social Security To Pay For Weekend Jaunts To Mar-A-Lago

Trump loves his "Southern White House" at Mar-A-Lago so much, he's willing to go to great lengths to keep weekending there.

Alabama School Petitions DeVos Department Of Education To Allow “Alternative Integration”

One Alabama school district is hoping the Betsy DeVos and Donald Trump era in American education allows for a new approach to integration.

Undocumented Taiwanese Dreamer Studying Spanish In Case Trump Deports Her

Even though she's from Taiwan, one Dreamer has begun brushing up on her Spanish to prepare for a possible deportation by Trump.

White House Adds Alex Jones As Information, Chemtrail, and Tinfoil Adviser

The Trump administration will start relying on InfoWars host Alex Jones for key information, chemtrail investigations, and racist conspiracies.

Trump Asks NASA To Verify Newly Discovered Planets Also Revolve Around Him

Co-President Donald Trump reached out to the "space nerds" at NASA to help him glean just how much he should care about the new planets.

Congressional Republican Explains Why Poor Kids Don’t Need Both Food and An Education

One Congressional Republican attempts to explain to reporters and the American people why poor kids should choose between smarts and food.