Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

God To Send His Son Back As “Refu-Jesus” To Teach Americans How To Be Christian Again

Just how Christian are American Christians? Apparently if you ask God or his son, the answer is, "Not effing very." The more you know.

Trump On February Jobs Report: ‘I Make America Great Again By Taking Credit For The Black Guy’s Work’

The 2017 February Jobs Report is in, and Co-President Donald Trump is crowing, despite the jobs killer Obamacare still being law.

Classic TV Show Gets Reboot And Will Be About The Trump Cabinet

If you need help, and you need it to be incompetent, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire, Trump Cabinet -- The B-Team.

Stephen Miller Really Wants To Know Where His Precious Is

Where is his precious? He must know where his precious is! Won't you please help White House Senior adviser Stephen Miller find his precious?

VP Pence Suggests Tearing Down Wall Between Church And State And Using It To Build The Border Wall

If you ask Mike Pence, the wall separating church and state in this country could be dismantled and put to much better use.

Trump Supporter Confused That Going Without New Cell Phone Didn’t Stop His Pancreatic Cancer

This local Trump supporter is confused as to why his cancer won't stop spreading even though he's not getting a new iPhone.

HUD Secretary Ben Carson Wants To Fix Homelessness By Calling The Homeless ‘Hobos’ Again

Tackling homelessness is the job of any HUD Secretary. Ben Carson has some unique and special ideas for that particular challenge.

President Trump Honors International Women’s Day With Rose Garden Pussy Grabbing Ceremony

President Trump held a very special ceremony in the White House Rose Garden to honor International Women's Day, and he ended it with a flourish.

Alternate Universe Report: GOP Not Concerned With Clinton’s Attorney General Lying About Russian Meetings

In an alternate universe, Republicans would really be just fine with Russian collusion with President Hillary Clinton's team.

Confused Trump Doesn’t Know Where “S.B.” Monogrammed Presidential Towels Came From

Co-President Donald Trump found some new monogrammed towels in the bathroom at the White House and he wants to know where they came from.