Totally Bulls*it News

Greenlander Would Rather Not Lose Universal Healthcare to Join “Shit Hole” Country

"Why would we want to join a shit hole country that doesn't even give us basic human health services like every other developed nation?" When...

Bongino Leaves YouTube and Will Exclusively Post Show Clips on His Giant Fucking Forehead

This morning, right-wing agitator and propagandist Dan Bongino announced that he...

She Will Not Comply With Vaccine Mandates, Mask Mandates, or Basic Standards of Human Hygiene

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene is, to put...

Biden: “I Don’t Know Pete Doocy’s Parents, So I Had No Right to Call Him a Son of a Bitch.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, a Fox News White House reporter asked...

Responding to Backlash, There Will Soon Be an Inbred, Anti-Vaxxer White M&M

McLEAN, VIRGINIA -- When executives at Mars, Incorporated approved updates to...

Tucker Carlson Will Rub Reese’s Pieces on His Ken Doll Patch Instead

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Fox News host Tucker Carlson is...

Investigators Find Justice Thomas’ Pubes on Forged Electoral Certificates

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In an attempt to keep defeated President Donald...

Why Didn’t His Natural Immunity to Crashes Keep Him Being Thrown From His Car?

LAKE FARTFACE, MICHIGAN -- Friends and family gathered this week to...

Matt Walsh is Thinking Very Deeply About Your Genitals. Just Like Jesus.

This week, Daily Caller columnist and podcaster Matt Walsh -- a devout evangelical...

Trump Has Offered to Turn State’s Evidence Against Jared

FARTS-A-LOT-THOUGH, FLORIDA -- In perhaps an unsurprising twist, former President Don...

Experts Agree: Four Out of Five MAGAS Can’t Make Their Cousins Climax

Fascinating new data from the National Institute of Boner and Contraboner...