Totally Bulls*it News

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity and politics don't mix." Jesus Hubert Christ is not a fan of Project...

National Association of Grizzly Bears Issues Statement on Betsy DeVos’ Confirmation

The country's largest grizzly bear advocacy group has issued a strong letter of condemnation to the U.S. Senate for confirming Betsy DeVos.

Betsy DeVos Orders Immediate Flattening Of All School Globes

Just moments after being confirmed as the new Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos orders all the globes in American schools flattened.

Sub-President Trump Proposes Cutting Social Security To Pay For Bowling Green Massacre Memorial

Sub-President Trump wants to honor the brave men and women who died serving their country during the Bowling Green Massacre.

Quebec Shooter Thanks Sub-President Trump For Bringing Attention To Terror Attacks Ignored By Mainstream Media

The Quebec shooter who killed six and injured more at a mosque thanks Sub-President Trump for his effort to publicize terror attacks.

Trump: ‘As Long As Steve, Mike, and Vladimir Say I Can, I Call All My Own Shots!’

Co-President Donald Trump really wants you to believe he alone makes all the decisions, and he just got permission to tell us all that himself.

Trump Signs Over “Power of Attorney and/or Presidency” To Steve Bannon In His Absence

If Trump leaves the room, he wants to know his buddy Steve Bannon can fill-in for him, in case we need to nuke Ohio or something.

Trump Signs Executive Order To Make Approval Ratings Work Like Golf Scores

President Trump's historically low approval ratings might have been embarrassing to him for a brief time.

President Trump’s New Executive Order Declares The Patriots Super Bowl Winners ‘No Matter What Happens On The Field’

To help out his dear friends, Trump has signed an executive order declaring the New England Patriots the winners of Super Bowl LI.

White House Announces Super Bowl Pre-Game Show Will Feature Tribute To Bowling Green Massacre Victims

During the pre-game show before Super Bowl LI, a tribute to the fallen heroes of the Bowling Green Massacre will air.

The Previously Untold Story Of A Hero Who Survived Jade Helm But Fell During The Bowling Green Massacre

One man served during two of America's most harrowing domestic combat events in the last five years. This is his alternatively true story.