Totally Bulls*it News

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity and politics don't mix." Jesus Hubert Christ is not a fan of Project...

NSA Encrypting Security Briefs At Fifth Grade Reading Level To Keep Trump From Compromising Them

Agents with the NSA have begun to encrypt their intelligence briefings in a way they hope will keep Trump from understanding them.

Stephen Miller Has White House Aides Move His Sleeping Coffin Out Of Frame For His Sunday TV Interviews

It was a tense few moments for White House senior policy adviser Stephen Miller as he got ready to do live Sunday morning talk show interviews.

New Trump Leak Implies Mike Flynn Is Drafting His Resignation Letter In Russian and English

A new rumor swirling around D.C. implies that top Trump adviser Mike Flynn may be preparing a bilingual letter of resignation.

Trump Hopes Writing New Muslim Ban In Different Color Crayon Will Make It Legal This Time

If Sub-President Trump signs a new Muslim ban executive order, but in a different color crayon this time, will it pass muster?

DeVos To Replace Sixth Grade Science Textbooks With The New Testament

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos will start rolling out new educational guidelines and standards, now that she has been confirmed.

Trump Says His Legal Team Is Ready To Appeal 9th Circuit Muslim Ban Decision On “Judge Judy”

Sub-President Donald J. Trump is ready to take the fight over his Muslim ban executive order all the way to the top court he knows of.

Trump Family To Start “White House Shopping Network” To Hock Wares From The Oval Office

Trump and company have a new idea to make even more money, leveraging the opportunity of a lifetime in the White House.

Trump, DeVos Unveil “Every Child Left Behind” Educational Reform Program

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos and Sub-President Donald Trump have announced new educational reforms they hope will improve America's schools.

Sub-President Trump Signs Executive Order Forcing McDonald’s To Give Him Extra McNugget Sauce For Free

Sub-President Trump really loves his nuggets, and he really loves his nugget sauce, and he thinks he should get all the sauce he wants for free.

Betsy DeVos Receives Lovely Congratulatory Edible Arrangement From The Taliban

Religious sycophants of all stripes just love that Betsy DeVos was able to buy her way into the highest levels of government.