Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

President Trump Asked Italian PM If They ‘Keep the Pepperoni’ in Leaning Tower of Pisa

On his first trip abroad since being sworn in, President Trump had some interesting questions for many of his hosts. Including the Italian PM.

Homeless Man Flips Off Ben Carson and Tells Him ‘Stupidity Is A State of Republicanism’

A confrontation between Ben Carson and a homeless man results in some on the spot education in the Republican Party's platform for the HUD Secretary.

Body Slamming Montana Republican Greg Gianforte Offered WWE Contract

After body slamming a journalist, one might think that Greg Gianforte would be unemployable, but the WWE sees a diamond in the rough.

Jeff Sessions: ‘White People Can’t Commit Perjury’

Lying or misleading Congress under oath is not perjury if you're white, according to Attorney General Jeff Sessions...probably.

Trump Calls William Shatner and Congratulates Him on 40 Years of Star Wars

The iconic film Star Wars: A New Hope celebrates its 40th Anniversary today, and the president wanted to congratulate one of its stars.

Mulvaney Explains That Trump Budget Uses ‘Alternative Math’

Budget director Mick Mulvaney explains that the math behind President Trump's new budget isn't wrong. It's just alternative.

Sean Hannity Accuses George Soros Of Inventing Class and Dignity So We Will Think He Has None

Sean Hannity is a classless, conspiracy peddling douchebag with no dignity. But did George Soros have a hand in it? Sean thinks so. Because Sean is stupid.

Government Mandated FLOTUS Test Shows Melania’s Hands Are Her Smartest Body Parts

During his trip the Middle East, President Trump has seen his wife Melania smack away his hand twice. Now we know why.

Krispy Kreme Signs Deal To Be Trey Gowdy’s Official Congressional Glazing Sponsor

Trey Gowdy sweats. Profusely. One doughnut retailers doesn't see disgustingness in his glazed face though; they see marketing opportunities.

Report: Trump May Ask His ‘Old Friend Hillary’ to Run the FBI

They go way back, so why couldn't Hillary run the FBI for her old golfing buddy President Donald Trump?