Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Kathy Griffin to Release Animated GIF of Trump Beheading Made From “Clash of the Titans” Scene

Kathy Griffin will release a new political statement via animated gif, an art form she hopes Trump supporters continue to defend and validate.

Preparations Underway for President Trump’s First Date With Putin

At the G20 summit later this week, Trump and Putin will get a chance to have their first official date since Russia helped Trump win last year's election.

President Donald Wants to Turn Sally Hemmings’ Secret Slave Quarters Into Trump Hotel “Dream Suite”

The quarters of Sally Hemmings, Jefferson's slave and mother to many of his illegitimate rape babies, has been found. President Trump has a plan for it.

White House July 4th Festivities Delayed While Spicer Finds Trump’s Lapel Pin

The White House staff was in a frenzy as the big Fourth of July plans had to be delayed while they tracked down Trump's lapel pin.

Man Who Was Outraged by Obama’s Taupe Suit Loves Trump’s CNN GIF

A right-wing podcast host and Facebook page owner waxes philosophical about Trump's anti-CNN animated GIF he tweeted over the weekend.

EPA Head Scott Pruitt Starts Federal Panel to Challenge Scientific Consensus on Gravity

As the head of the governmental agency tasked with protecting our environment, Scott Pruitt believes it's time to do a little less of that whole thing.

Chris Christie Only Customer in Dunkin’ Donuts He Closed Due to ‘Health and Safety Concerns’

Governor Chris Christie has a 15% approval rating, and getting caught in a doughnut shop he'd closed to the public probably won't help matters much.

President Trump Hopeful He’ll Finish Mix Tape For Putin Before He’s Impeached

Trump is reportedly lost in song, trying to put together the perfect mix tape for his newfound love, Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Vegas Bookies: CNN 7 Million to 1 Favorites Against 71-Year Old Orange Tub of Lard in Real Wrestling Match

The people in charge of making odds in Las Vegas have given President Trump astronomical odds to overcome in a hypothetical wrestling match with CNN.

Arkansas Dog Wonders When Sarah Huckabee Sanders Will Address Her Brother’s Morality Problem

When describing the issues facing Chicago's gun violence problem, Sarah Huckabee Sanders said the city has a "morality" problem. This dog scoffed at that.