Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

FEMA Worried Their Camps Too Overrun With Obama Prisoners to Help Harvey Victims

With Hurricane Harvey wreaking havoc, now FEMA is worried that former President Obama filled their camps with too many Republicans.

Trump Comforts Harvey Victims With Copies of 2016 Electoral College Map

After trillions of gallons of water, earth shattering winds, and days of battering weather, Donald Trump soothes the victims of Hurricane Harvey.

Hurricane Harvey: Red Cross Says Thought and Prayer Warehouses Full, Could Use Actual Help Now

The Red Cross wants Americans to consider sending help for Harvey victims that's a little more useful than words and thoughts.

Trump: Hurricane Harvey a Chinese Hoax Perpetrated by the Deep State on Behalf of Obama

Everyone knows that the blame for Hurricane Harvey rests with President Barack Obama and the Chinese government. Everyone. Knows. It.

Statue of General Sherman Blows Up Statue of Robert E. Lee

A statue of Union General William Tecumseh Sherman has been seen in Georgia, blowing up a statue of his old nemesis, General Lee.

Ted Cruz To Propose Changing The Spelling of ‘Science’ to ‘J-E-S-U-S’

Ted Cruz is the new chair of the Senate committee that handles science and space research, policy and budgeting, and his proposed law will make quite the splash.

Pat Robertson: God Will Send Hurricanes to All 50 States If ‘Gays Keep Getting Married’

Pat Robertson says the South Carolina flooding is to be blamed on gay marriage, and that more states will flood soon too.

George W. Bush Offers to Head Up Trump’s Hurricane Non-Response Team

With Hurricane Harvey pounding the Gulf Coast, an unexpected hero emerges: Former President George W. "Katrina" Bush. Phew!

Pat Robertson Wonders If Hurricane Harvey Caused By Awkward Boner During “Magic Mike” Viewing

The 700 Club's patriarch, Pat Robertson, is afraid that a momentary lack of control over his groin reactions brought on Hurricane Harvey.

Trump Wants U.S. to Sell Mexico the Iraqi WMD to Fund Border Wall

President Trump is so desperate to fund his southern border wall he'll consider selling weapons of mass destruction to our neighbors.