Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

White Woman Just Wishes Black Man Would Peacefully Request To Not Be Murdered In Some Less Noticeable Way

One white woman understands why NFL players are kneeling and even agrees with their cause, but doesn't like how they're protesting.

Cliven Bundy Offers to Educate NFL Players on the Proper Ways to Protest

When it comes to protesting the federal government, rancher Cliven Bundy thinks he may be able to give NFL players the tips they need.

Trumper Burns NFL Gear Worth 10 Years of Blue State Supported Welfare Protesting First Amendment

This NFL fan happens to also be an America lovin', gun totin', good, clean, ammo hoarding patriot, and he's sick of people who aren't.

Puerto Rico Man Waiting Until Power is Restored So He Can Be Offended by Football Players Kneeling

The island of Puerto Rico is in shambles after Hurricane Maria. Which means residents haven't had time to get offended by kneeling black people yet.

Tammy Lahren Busy Telling Black Man What He’s Experienced In Life

Right-wing pundit and Fox News contributor Tillamook Lahren is on a mission to educate black people so they know what they've experienced.

Hillary Clinton Circling Jared Kushner’s Home Shouting, ‘Lock Him Up!’

The president's top adviser and son-in-law Jared Kushner has been using a personal email server like Crooked Hillary Clinton crooked did like a crook.

Trump Wants to Know How Many Electoral College Votes He Got From Puerto Rico Before He Helps Them

The island of Puerto Rico is reeling in the wake of Hurricane Maria. But Donald Trump wants to know how much they helped him win the presidency first.

Trump: ‘Black Athletes Pose a Bigger Threat to American Security Than Nazis’

President Donald Trump has shown disdain for black athletes kneeling during the National Anthem, and he says that's worse than Neo-Nazis.

Toni Lahren Hard at Work on List of Acceptable Ways for Black People to Protest Abuse

Fox News vapid blonde fuckmuppet contributor Tummy Lahren doesn't like it when people of color have opinions that aren't her opinions.

Cassidy, Graham: Kimmel’s Son Should Be ‘Shoved Back Up His Mama’s Baby Chute’ If He Wants Republican Sympathy

If Jimmy Kimmel wanted Republicans to care about his son's plight, he should have shoved him back inside his mother. Duh, Jimmy!