Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Republican Pretty Sure Harvey Weinstein Story Exonerates Donald Trump

"Even I knew voting for Trump was a crap shoot and a half."

President Trump: Puerto Ricans the ‘Wrong Shade of American’ to Get All Help Needed

"If they looked like they were from Mississippi...I'd still be down there right now chucking paper towels at them."

Trump Supporter: Weinstein Not ‘The Kind of Sexual Predator You Can Trust With Your Vote’

"Of course, I wouldn't trust Trump alone with my daughter...or his daughter."

Trump Signs Trade Deal With Nambia To Triple Annual U.S. Covfefe Imports

"They export over ninety percent of the world's covfefe supply, both in terms of raw covfefe, and refined, processed covfefe."

Televangelist Pat Robertson Warns God Will Destroy America if Scouts Let Girls Play With Boys

"Thou shall not teach thine girls valuable life skills at the same time as boys in an extracurricular activity."

Tillerson Declines Trump’s IQ Test, Proposes Third Grade Spelling Bee Instead

President Trump has issued a challenge to his own Secretary of State Rex Tillerson to see whose IQ is bigliest and whose isn't-liest.

Ivanka Reminds Feuding Mommies No Matter Who Is First Lady She Is ‘Daddy’s Bottom Bitch’

Me-owwww! Things are heating up on the lame new reality-TV political...

Trump Supporter Confused That “Travel” Ban Didn’t Prevent Las Vegas Act of Terror

"It's every American's solemn, God given right to own as many semi-automatic rifles as they want."

Governor of Puerto Rico Not Sure Citizens Can Eat Merry Christmas or Use It For Shelter, Power

"I don't think anyone saying Happy Holidays will do anywhere near the same damage as the hurricane."