Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Conservative Commentator Wonders If Hillary Will Apologize Husband’s White House Farts

"Harvey Weinstein probably doesn't wanna end up on Killary's totally real, totally confirmed kill list."

Trump Says He’d Have Acknowledged Four Dead Soldiers in Niger if Country Had ‘Less Obama-ish Name’

"I kept seeing the word Niger in my briefings and thought it was just another bullet item about something the last president messed up."

Trump Demands Congress Strip NFL and Its Players of First Amendment Rights

"That arcane constitution really should be reviewed."

Pence Clarifies: “I Said I Hope All The Gays Are Well-Hung”

"I prolly think about butt sex more than people who are currently engaging in butt sex."

‘Cảm ơn bạn Ông Orange Man’ says Vietnam as Trump Announces New Line of ‘AUTOGRAPH’ ties.

Available in a range of colors from Ku Klux White to Murderous Red.

Trump Wants Obamacare Subsidies to Pay for Trips to Mar-A-Lago

"In times of great need, sometimes we all have to sacrifice. And by 'we all' I of course mean the plebs."

Study Shows 92% of Trump Supporters Have Larger Shoe Size Than IQ

"If they said they were voting for Trump and we measured their shoe size, it always came back higher than their IQ."

White House Issues Hasty, Blanket Denial After Ivanka Tweets #MeToo

"All this negative covfefe of his relationship with his daughter is a distraction..."

With Tom Marino Out, Trump Taps El Chapo for Drug Czar

"Let's stop acting surprised every time I do something stupid."