Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Sessions Blames Lack Of Recollection In Congressional Testimony On Trying Weed For The First Time

"I've always maintained that smoking marijuana is literally the worst thing you could possibly do."

Merck Developing Special Reverse-Roofie For Jeff Sessions’ Experimental Memory Treatment

"Mr. Sessions seems to suffer from a very acute case of PMCRS, or Politically Motivated Can't Remember Shit."

Company Announces New Jeff Sessions Racist Elf On A Shelf Just In Time For Holiday Shopping

Creatively Classic Activities and Books (CCA & B, LLC) issued a...

Roy Moore Turns Down Gift Of 18 Year Old Bourbon Because It’s Aged Too Much For His Liking

"Maybe if this bourbon were 14, 15, or at most 15 and a half years old, Judge Moore would put his lips around it."

Uday and Qusay Trump To Host Christmas Hunting Party on White House Lawn This December

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump announced today that his sons,...

Mike Pence Demands RNC Carry Roy Moore’s Candidacy To Full Term

"I am shocked, appalled, and offended that you would choose to end your support for this man just because of a little light, serial hebephilia."

Trump Tweets Sincere Condolences For Shooting At Columbine

"His base knows he's gonna shoot before aiming, or even really getting the gun out of its holster."

Lost Chapter From “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” Found!

"It’s clear that the segment's exclusion was as the author intended."