Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Kellyanne Conway Desperately Trying to Reach Michael Flynn Via The Microwave Network

"The president understands that Mr. Flynn is a fine, upstanding grazhdanin."

Tubetop Lahren Sees White Athlete Kneel During National Anthem, Head Literally Explodes

"Don't they understand it's only going to encourage these uppity urbans to do this more?"

President Obama Announces He’s Spending Thanksgiving “Not Giving A Fuck” On Pacific Island

"There’s just so much going on in the world today, and it’s nice just not giving a fuck."

Trump Tells President Of U.S. Virgin Islands He’s Most Thankful For Donald Trump This Year

"Boy, I think that Trump fella's really put in some hard work."

Roy Moore Rejects Trump’s Endorsement Over Inappropriate Sexual Comments About His Adult Daughter

"Once she gets to 15 or 16, it just becomes absolutely horrifying to think about your daughter that way."

Trump Supporting Podcaster Refuses To Camp Out In Front Of Best Buy Until They Rename It “White Friday”

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Jethro Bohiggins is an unabashed, self-described...

Trump Releases Pussy He Was Grabbing Long Enough For A Thoughtful Soliloquy On Men Respecting And Empowering Women

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump today gave an impromptu monologue...

In New Ad, Roy Moore Offers To ‘Stuff Alabamans’ Young Birds’ This Thanksgiving

ALABAMA -- In a new campaign ad aimed at undecided voters...