Company Announces New Jeff Sessions Racist Elf On A Shelf Just In Time For Holiday Shopping

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Creatively Classic Activities and Books (CCA & B, LLC) issued a press released today to officially launch a new addition to their popular “Elf On a Shelf” line of books and toys, modeled after and inspired by Attorney General Jeff Sessions.

“CCA & B is very pleased to announce that we have a new addition to the Elf on the Shelf family, and we would like to personally thank Attorney General Jeff Sessions for allowing us to use his likeness,” the press release states. “We got the inspiration for this iteration of our popular toy from the fact that the Senate found him too racist for a federal judgeship in the mid-1980’s.”

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CCA & B is planning to release a couple of different editions of the Racist Elf on a Shelf.

“There will be a War on Drugs edition that goes around your house at night looking for weed stash and calls the cops if it finds some,” the press release states, “and then there’s the Religious Zealot Racist Elf on a Shelf that tries to figure out if any of your kids are gay and then outs them to the local baptist church in your community.”

Retailing for the same price as the regular Elf on a Shelf and its counterpart meant for Jewish families, Mensch on a Bench, the Racist Elf on a Shelf will feature a life-sized version of Sessions dressed in his familiar costuming — that of a Keebler elf — but other clothing options will be available so you and your family can dress him up how you wish.

“The standard Racist Elf on a Shelf will feature Mr. Sessions in the costume most Americans recognize him in — his Keebler elf costume,” the company states, “but we also have several clothing and accessories to customize your Racist Elf on a Shelf, such as pure white robes and pointy hoods. A pack of wooden case lower T’s and a doll-sized drum of gasoline will also be sold as an accessory kit.”

Attorney General Sessions and the Department of Justice could not be reached for comment.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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