Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Local Rube Looks Forward To Never Spending Money That Will Never Trickle Down To Him After GOP Tax Cuts

"There's all kinds of things I just can't wait to never afford like food, medicine, and housing."

Super Wealthy Oil Company CEO: Republican Tax Overhaul Means The Government Finally Works For Him Again

"You'll see how much better this is for all of us when I buy my fifth vacation home."

Trump Calls Hillary And Asks If She’d Like To Be President After All

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During an already tense and tumultuous day for...

Trump Says He’ll Get A Bigger Crowd Out To His Christmas T Lighting

"I could have sworn they told me I'd be lighting up a big T."

Trump Retweets Anthropomorphized Swastika

"I'm insulted and so is every rotblütig American out there."

He’s Voting For Moore Because He “Keeps Teen Girls Safe From Transgenders In Bathrooms So He Can Fuck Them Later”

"I'd rather have a morally Christian 35 year old man fuck my 14 year old daughter than a man born a woman piss in front of her."

After Tax Vote Announcement, John McCain’s Tumor Considers Joining The Resistance

"I really thought he was a maverick, but it turns out he's just a shill."