Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Disney Declined To Buy Fox News Because They Can’t Afford Upkeep On Six Fantasylands

ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA -- In a deal worth more than $50 billion,...

Paul Ryan Looks Forward To Life As Private Sector Misanthrope

"People always think I just want to gut Social Security and end Medicare, and that's utterly and completely false."

Trump Demands Rian Johnson Tell Him If Captain Kirk Is “The Last Jedi”

"I do not want to spoil the whole film for everyone, I'm not a jerk."

Trump Gives Ben Carson “Head ‘Nogger In Charge” Job For White House Christmas Party

"Frankly, when you say the word 'nogger' to me, I can't think of anyone except Ben Carson."

A Very Easy Explanation For Why Losing Net Neutrality Is No Biggie

We're sorry. Thanks to the flawless wisdom of Ajit Pai, Chairman...

Judge Roy Moore To Travel Country, Giving “PED Talks”

"I would be a fool not to take them up on it."

Roy Moore Comforting Himself With 14 Year Old…Bottle Of Rum

Judge Moore tells a prayer breakfast crowd how he's coping with losing to Democrat Doug Jones.

One Woman’s Take: Roy Moore Was A Gift From God To All You Heathen Feminazis!

All of this kerfuffle over Roy Moore and the wonderful attention...

Trump Orders Kobach To Investigate How Many Trillions Of Illegal Mexicans Voted For Doug Jones

"I am positive I saw at least a trillion Mexicans dancing in the street celebrating last night."