Roy Moore Worried His Pedophilia Too Big A Distraction From His Racism

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RED STICK, ALABAMA — At a campaign stop in a small town just a day before he finds out if he’ll be Alabama’s next representative in the U.S. Senate, Judge Roy Moore expressed regret about his past sexual propositions to young, teenage girls.

The allegations have come to light in recent weeks as a shocking number of women, now adults, have accused Moore of making advances on them when they were teenage girls, and he was in his twenties and thirties. Despite a full-throated endorsement from President Trump, Mr. Moore still told the press he regretted his actions in the past.

“Because now I’m afraid my love of little girls has become a distraction,” Moore said. “And of course I mean a distraction from my racism.”

Moore said that the press focusing on the allegations that he routinely preyed on teenage girls for sexual gratification don’t bother him from a moral point of view, but they do from a political one, and he’s afraid his campaign may suffer for it.

“I mean, my love of teenage girls doesn’t make me any different than the Holy Spirit when it did the immaculate statutory rape on the Virgin Mary,” Moore told reporters. “But Alabama Republicans voters don’t just like candidates who can move on teenage girls like a bitch. Alabama Republicans don’t just elect pedophiles, they elect racist pedophiles, and I’m afraid my racism is getting lost in the shuffle.”

Judge Moore then cited past interviews where said he believed all amendments past the Tenth Amendment could be struck from the Constitution and it would “eliminate many problems” facing America today. The first ten amendments, known commonly as the Bill of Rights, are often cited by staunch conservatives like Moore as being the most important amendments and many believe that none past the Tenth should have ever been written or ratified. The 13th, 14th, and 15th amendments are largely heralded as being some of the most important in the country’s history because they eliminated slavery and helped enshrine racial equality in the Constitution, a document that originally only counted African slaves as three-fifths of a non-slave.

“You know people don’t understand how some of these amendments have completely tried to wreck the form of government that our forefathers intended,” Moore said in a 2011 interview reported on over the weekend by CNN.

Moore says that just last week, he attempted to remind Alabama Republicans that he wasn’t just a “one trick pedophile” and that he could “run the gamut of regressive conservative views.”

“Last week I told everyone that I think families were more united during the slavery times and so that means it was prolly better back then,” Moore said, “and all I was hoping to do there is signal to the great Republicans in my state that I’m not just someone they can’t trust with their young daughters, I’m also a white supremacist, praise Jesus Christ almighty!”

A current Fox News poll in the state shows Alabama voters currently give Moore’s opponent a 10-point advantage going into tomorrow’s election.

“Voters are gonna have to choose — do they want a racist old bastard who wants to fuck their daughters to represent them,” Moore said, adding with a mock-vomiting noise, “or a…DEMOCRAT.”

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