Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Eric Trump Asks His Dad If Stormy Daniels Is His New Sister

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources close to the Trump family say that...

Pharmaceutical Company Develops Screechitol, World’s First Auditory Contraceptive

PharmTek Incorporated, a subsidiary of Galactic Chemical Enterprises, announced a new...

Dems Float Legislation Directing DHH To Allow Doctors To Refuse Treating Mouth Breathing Religious Zealots

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In response to the Trump administration's efforts to...

Moscow Demands Trump Help End Putin’s Shadow Government Shutdown

MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- Russian President Vladimir Putin has sent a strongly...

Study Reveals Inverse Relationship Between Genital Size and Saying “Cuck”

One of the nation's leading scientific research organizations has concluded that...

Petition Started To Remove Confederate Monument From Attorney General’s Office

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A new petition has been circulating online and...

U.S. Recruits Its Best Athlete To Winter Olympics Team

COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO -- In a surprising and completely unforeseen development,...

Hannity And Limbaugh: Obama Once Used A Copy Of Forbes Magazine To Spank A Fly

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- While the Obama Administration faced a few scandal...