Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

NRA Exec Just Straight Up Doesn’t Give A Fuck About Your Dead Kids, America

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA -- As he came out of the corporate headquarters...

Televangelist on Rob Porter Affair: ‘Sometimes God Gives Ladies Black Eyes To Save Unborn Babies’ Lives’

SYCAMORE GLEN, TENNESSEE -- Reverend Bill Millen is a televangelist in...

Sean Hannity Still Staring Longingly Into Obama Portrait’s Anti-American, Evil, Libtarded, Sexy Eyes

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Yesterday, the official portraits of former...

Trump Jr. Mail Attack Causes Alex Jones’ Head To Literally Explode

CARE CHINGADO, TEXAS -- At this hour, medical professionals in the...

White House Unveils Cat Food Brands Trump’s Budget Proposal Lets SNAP Recipients Choose From

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Under President Donald Trump's proposed budget, the federal...

Tide Introduces New Lady Pods That Are Half As Loud As Regular Tide Pods

The makers of Tide laundry detergent have announced a new product...

Furious Trump Demands American Curlers Take Their Shots Standing Upright

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources within the White House have reported that...

Puerto Rico And Flint, Michigan Are Vying To Host Trump’s Military Parade

A recent poll conducted by The Military Times shows that the overwhelming majority...

John Kelly Wants OJ Simpson To Join The Trump Administration

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources within the White House are today saying...