Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Wayne LaPierre Too Busy Scrubbing Blood Off Hands To Equivocate About Gun Violence

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA -- National Rifle Association Executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre told...

Alt-Right Trump Supporter Wonders ‘When Do We Get A White Panther Movie?’

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- This weekend, semi-popular alt-right commentator and...

Gun Enthusiast Can’t Figure Out Why Gasoline Didn’t Put Out His House Fire

SPRINGFIELD, WEST VIRGINIA -- Phillip Grant is known best on Facebook...

Trump Worried He Hasn’t Made The Murder Of School Children About Him Enough

MAR-A-LAGO, FLORIDA -- This morning, President Trump was stopped by reporters...

Trump Supporter Wants Florida Added To Trump’s Muslim Ban List

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Jethro Bohiggins is a die hard...

Trump: ‘There Are Good People On Both Sides Of Robert Mueller’s Indictments’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump, while watching Fox...

Model and Adult Film Star Drops Bombshell: ‘I Have Never, Would Never, And Will Never Fuck Donald Trump’

VALLE DE COGER, CALIFORNIA -- This morning, former Playboy Playmate Karen...

Lazy Union Thug Willing To Take Several Rapidly Fired Bullets For Your Child

DE LEON FALLS, FLORIDA -- When she began teaching at De...

Hipster Parents Send Kid To School To Designer Bulletproof Vest

GREEN HILLS, NORTH CAROLINA -- As Shannon and Chad Miller get...