Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Transgender Recruit Assures Commander In Chief She Has No Bone Spurs

RILEY, VIRGINIA -- For the last six months, 19 year old...

Smug Asshole: ‘Ringo’s The Least Talented Of All The Knights’

This week, Her Royal Highness the Queen of England knighted living...

Man Masturbating To Gun Videos On PornHub Repulsed By Accidentally Seeing Human Sex

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || ).push({}); COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- 38-year-old right-wing...

Mushroom Cloud Assures Americans John Bolton Will Shape Trump’s Foreign Policy In Sane, Rational Direction

FALLOWT FALLS, NEVADA -- As President Donald Trump selected hawkish conservative...

Trump Blames Russia’s Election Interference On Sarah Palin ‘Abandoning Her Backyard Post’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump went farther than...

Trump Tells Mueller FBI Better Not Send Any Democrats To Arrest Him

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has sent a sternly worded...

Sex Toys “R” Us Announces Record Profits And Dozens Of Openings

BONE VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Retail giant Sex Toys "R" Us has...

EPA Head Scott Pruitt Starts Federal Panel to Challenge Scientific Consensus on Gravity

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || ).push({}); WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As reported by The New York...

Betsy DeVos Not Sure How To Arm Teachers That Already Have Two

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- On Valentine's Day this year, a gunman attacked...

Mike Pence Wonders Who He Has To Blow For John Oliver To Write A Book About Him Instead

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Comedian and talk show host John Oliver recently...