Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Bitch Kicks Dog

Over the span of her relatively short career, right-wing firebrand commentator...

Can We Guess Your Dick Length From These Questions About Your Dick?

WARNING: Mature Themes Ahead! This article contains material that has been deemed...

Trump Congratulates Putin On Second Presidential Election Victory Since 2016

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump made a call...

California Dispensary Returns Jeff Sessions’ Lost ID

EL DORADO VERDE  VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Earlier this month, Attorney General...

Robert Mueller Assures Andrew McCabe His Office Door Is Always Open, ‘Just In Case’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Late Friday night, Attorney General Jeff Sessions fired...

SpaceX Developing New Mars Leash So Space Colonists Can Be Yanked Back Home

Elon Musk's SpaceX is at it again! Today, at a press conference...

McDonald’s Unveils New “McFuckIt” Burger For Customers Who Just Don’t Care Anymore

OAK BROOK, ILLINOIS -- Fast food monolith McDonald's told investors today...

After Divorce, Donald Trump Jr. Hopes To Follow In Daddy’s Footsteps

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Rumors have begun swirling that Donald...