Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Ted Cruz Wants NASA to Turn Old Shuttles into Chick-Fil-As

This story first appeared on The Political Garbage Chute. WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator...

Town Trump Supporter Plans Switch From Keystone Light To Ambien For A Better Night’s Racism

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- When Jehtro Bohiggins logged onto Twitter...

Confused White Guy Agrees With New NFL National Anthem Policy (VIDEO)

Everyone's favorite Confused White Guy took to the Internet this past...

Trump Pardons John Wilkes Booth

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Just hours after announcing he was going to...

Town Racist Blames Ambien Script Running Out For Brief Bout Of Tolerance

BEDFORD FOREST, WEST VIRGINIA -- Ed Foy would never, ever have...

Historians Uncover Robert E. Lee’s Ambien Prescription

ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA -- Historians cleaning out an upstairs hall closet at...

Study Confirms Mike Pence Thinks About LGTBQ Stuff More Than People Participating In LGTBQ Stuff

BONTÉ FALLS, WEST VIRGINIA -- Researchers in West Virginia recently published the...

Fox News Picks Up “Roseanne” For Season 11

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Under considerable pressure from President Donald...