Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Economists: Legal California Marijuana Will Make In ‘N’ Out Richer Than God By 2028

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Economists at the National Institute of...

Eagles Will Join Obama For Backyard BBQ

PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA -- President Donald Trump has officially disinvited the Philadelphia...

Florida Teen Skirts Waiting Period and Performs Own Abortion With AR-15

LAGO DEL DESESPERACIÓN, FLORIDA -- Back in April of this year, 28...

President Hillary Clinton Officially Pardons Herself For Benghazi, Emails, Secret Assassinations

BIZARRO WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, in the Alternate White House,...

Trump Asks Ivanka To Be ‘Fill-in Melanie’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump reached out his First Lady today...

Astronaut Admits He Faked Moon Orgasm

WINDY FALLS, MINNESOTA -- For years, Commander Glenn Mitchum has dined...

Ted Cruz Wants NASA to Turn Old Shuttles into Chick-Fil-As

This story first appeared on The Political Garbage Chute. WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator...

Town Trump Supporter Plans Switch From Keystone Light To Ambien For A Better Night’s Racism

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- When Jehtro Bohiggins logged onto Twitter...

Confused White Guy Agrees With New NFL National Anthem Policy (VIDEO)

Everyone's favorite Confused White Guy took to the Internet this past...