Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump, Un Set ‘Hard And Fast’ Self-Fellatio Time Limit Ahead of Summit

SINGAPORE -- Representatives from President Donald Trump and North Korea's dictator...

Mike Pence Pretty Sure He Could Kill His Boss And Then Pardon Himself For It

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Speaking before a prayer breakfast gathering in the...

Martian Cat Kills Curiosity

MARS -- The chief tracking officer at NASA is confirming at...

Leading Graduating Kindergartners, Trump Briefly Forgets Words to Pledge of Allegiance

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump experienced a brief...

Justin Trudeau Shocks World; Apologizes For Mass Canadian Ambien Usage In 1812

FRENCH TOWN, CANADA LAND -- When President Donald Trump asked Canadian...

The 15 Cute Nicknames My Wife Insists I Use For Her Pussy

I have a wife, and we are both forward thinking, progressive...

The 15 Cute Nicknames My Wife Insists I Use For Her P_ _sy

I have a wife, and we are both forward thinking, progressive...

Betsy DeVos Sees Nothing Wrong At All With Trump Administration’s Grasp Of History

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In less than a week's time, the Donald...

On Call With Merkel, Trump Brings Up Taxation Without Representation

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The White House announced today that it will...