Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Study: Trump Supporters 87% More Likely To Go Blind/Kill Kittens

Palo Alto, CA -- A 3-month study by the Palo Alto-based...

Brett Kavanaugh Turns In List of Civil Rights He Doesn’t Acknowledge to Mitch McConnell

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- D.C. appeals judge Brett Kavanaugh was formally introduced...

Trump Open Hand Smacks Merkel Across Face and Tells Her ‘Vladimir Putin Says Hello’

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBLTdQyZiyw BRUSSELS, BELGIUM -- President Trump made quite an international splash at...

Trump: ‘Ivanka Helped Me See A Different Perspective On Breastfeeding’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Over the course of his presidency thus far,...

Kavanaugh Assures Senate He Only Thinks One Particular Orange Shit Clown President Is Above The Law, Not All Of Them

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Brett Kavanaugh, a political operative turned D.C. appeals...

Jim Jordan Going To Keep Watching Rescued Thai Soccer Players, Just In Case

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The office of Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH SHIT...

Richard Simmons To Aid North Korean Leader’s Weight Loss

Pyongyang, North Korea -- North Korean leader Kim Jong Un's weight...

EDITORIAL: Should I Be Madder At My Mom Or The Facebook Algorithm For Taking Three Weeks To Tell Me My Sister Died?

EDITOR'S NOTE: The following editorial written by Not Really.News' public commentator,...

Warren Agrees to DNA Test on Condition of Trump Spelling Test

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The heated, bitter war of words between Senator...