Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Admits He’s Just Jealous of the Size of Lebron James’ Bank Account

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last Friday, Donald Trump -- the most powerful...

Man’s Phallus Completely Deflates After Confusing Stomach Pump For Penis Pump

BENT ROD, OREGON -- It was not supposed to happen like...

Software Company Develops Real-Time App To Alert Viewers When Sarah Huckabee Sanders Is Lying

SWILLY CORN, VALLEY -- A software development company has released a...

Lying Sack Of Shit Working For Obnoxious Asshole Who Spread Racist Rumor For a Decade Has Feelings Too, Apparently

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Despite being a combative, curt, condescending, tantrum throwing,...

Putin: “I’m Glad I Didn’t Have To Show Picture ID To Buy The Presidency”

MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- Russian and/or American President Vladimir Putin was overheard...

ISIS Sends Mike Pence Congratulations on His New ‘Religious Inquisition’ Task Force

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || ).push({}); SOMEWHERE IN SYRIA -- ISIS has issued...

Trump Asks Ivanka If She’s ‘Into Bigfoot or Hopefully Small Hand’ Erotica

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In Virginia, a man named Denver Riggleman is...