Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Mexican American Has Surprisingly Little Problem Believing Trump Has Used The N-Word Before

LOS CHINGADEROS NARANJOS, CALIFORNIA -- Whether or not the sitting President...

Jim Jordan Legally Changes Name To “Gym Paterno” To Avoid Scandal

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- There is no longer a congressman named Rep....

Local Dickhead Abandons Old Dickhead Ways for a New Dickhead Life with MLM Jesus

North Bloomfield, CA -- In what his friends are calling a...

Twitter Chooses Nuclear War Over Comedian James Schlarmann

San Francisco, CA -- For the 4th time in the past...

Putin Revokes Brennan’s Security Clearance

MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- Former CIA Director John Brennan has been stripped...

Obama Can’t Guarantee He Never Heard N-Word

SECRET SHARIA BUNKER, SOMEWHERE IN KENYA -- Deep within his specially...

Asshole Really Wants To Give You His Asshole Opinion

FARDING BEUTH HOLE, WISCONSIN -- Kevin Rickerdellia is a straight-up asshole,...

Trump Says Mexico Will Pay For His Wall By Funding His New Space Force

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- While there has been much buzz and speculation...