Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Mexico Starts GoFundMe For Its Own Wall

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- Newly elected Mexican President Andrés Manuel López...

Donald Trump Claims John Lennon Is His Favorite Band

Washington, D.C. -- On the heels of a tweet announcing that...

Hellraiser Holiday Starbucks Cup Sends Area Woman to Hell

Sparks, NV -- 31-year-old Dawn Qualls found herself in the torturous...

Sarah Sanders Confidently and Stridently Incorrectly Explains To Her Ham Sandwich How Government is Funded

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A contentious moment between White House Press Secretary...

Mexico Agrees to Pay For Stephen Miller’s Hair Plugs

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador dropped what...

Everybody Totally Believed That Was Stephen Miller’s Real Hair

The alarm went off at its usual time -- 3:30am in...

Area Libertarian Still Calls His Mom ‘Mother’

Houston, TX -- A 48-year-old Houston man surprised his coworkers after...

Donald Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane, Promises to Terminate Program

Washington D.C -- Donald Trump, accompanied by select members of his...

Santa Claus Requests Permission from Trump to Bring Gifts to Jailed Migrant Children

NORTH POLE, EARTH -- The San-T-Claus Corporation, a corporate entity responsible...

Trump Interviewing Hillary Clinton For Chief of Staff

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The mounting tension between President Donald Trump and...