Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Jussie Smollett Hired by InfoWars

TINFOIL, TEXAS -- Jussie Smollett appears to be in a mess...

Kraft Apologizes for Paying to Have Balls Deflated

CHOWDER, MASSACHUSETTS -- A spokesperson for Robert Kraft, owner of the...

Doctor Explains How Judge’s Foot Lodged In Roger Stone’s Rectum Will Keep His Mouth Shut

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In federal court on Thursday, President Donald Trump's...

Trump Issues National Emergency and Seizes the Memes of Satire Production

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning President Trump signed an executive order...

Mexico Agrees to Pay for National Emergency as Long as Trump Can Prove it Exists

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- The Federal Government of Mexico has sent...

Barack Obama and The Clintons Sue Breitbart, InfoWars, and Fox News for Defamation

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- In a stunning, unforeseen development, former...

McConnell Confident Trump Can Fit His Entire Dick In There

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At a hastily convened press conference this afternoon,...

Trump Takes Out Full Page Ad in NYT Demanding Death Penalty for 11-Year-Old Arrested for Not Pledging Allegiance

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last week at Lawton Chiles Middle Academy in Lakeland,...

Elon Musk Buys and Reveals Star Wars Episode IX Title

SWILLYCORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Fandom of the sci-fi/fantasy film franchise known...