Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Indiana School Uses Live Ammunition in Active Shooter Training

MT. VERNON, INDIANA -- Over in the Hoosier State, quite a...

J.K. Rowling Says You Didn’t Actually Read Harry Potter Novels

LONDONSHERRY DOWNTONSHIRE, ENGLAND -- Author J.K. Rowling has quite a close,...

God Orders Recall of Bibles Autographed by Trump

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Larry "God" Schumway has announced an...

Pelosi Offers McConnell Voter ID Laws for Voter IQ Laws

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For years, the Republican Party has been behind...

Disney Declined To Buy Fox News Because They Can’t Afford Upkeep On Six Fantasylands

ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA -- In late 2017, in a deal worth more...

McCain Leads Trump in Early 2020 Polling

In a new poll that was just published, the late Senator...

Trump Challenges John McCain to Fist Fight

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Over the last several days, President Donald Trump...

Poll: Trump Approval Rating 89% Among People Who Use Telegraphs

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The subject of President Donald Trump's approval ratings...

Mr. Ivanka Trump Continues His Twitter Feud With Mr. Crypt Keeper

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The entirety of alleged billionaire Mr. Ivanka Trump's...