Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Bernie Sanders Withdraws From Primary in Order to Spend More Time With Remaining Vocal Cords

MIAMI, FLORIDA — Two-time Democratic nomination contender and man who shouts...

McDonald’s Unveils New “McF#ckIt” Burger For Customers Who Just Don’t Care Anymore

OAK BROOK, ILLINOIS -- Fast food monolith McDonald's told investors today...

Norwegian Woman Would Never Live In S###hole Countries Without Universal Healthcare

Last year, President Donald Trump made it fairly clear that he...

5 Year Old Guatemalan Girl Pretty Adorable In Her Wee Cage Inside Her Sweet Little Concentration Camp

RIO DE VERGONZOSO, TEXAS -- She's frightened, terrified, even. She's lonely...

Local MAGA Supporter Suspicious Why Obama Never Declared His Rape Type

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Jethro Bohiggins is a devout, proud,...

Biden/Sanders to Form The Decibelcrat Party

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last night, NBC News hosted the second consecutive...

Anti-Vaxx Parents Register Crib and Coffin for Baby Shower

MUERTE DE CUNA COVE, OREGON -- Krystal and Chad Benning could...

ISIS Offers Out of Work NRA-TV Host Dana Loesch a Spokes-Terrorist Position

SOMEWHERE IN SYRIA -- The White House maintains that ISIS has...

Trump Officially Registers His Presidential Rape Type

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Many Americans might presume that President Donald Trump...