Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Tucker Carlson Vows He’ll Never Stop Sexually Fantasizing About Cartoon M&M’s

An angrily tearful Tucker Carlson told his Fox News audience today...

MTG Uses Secret Jewish Space Laser to Pinpoint Ilhan Omar’s Antisemitism

The House Republicans took control of the lower chamber of Congress...

Confused MTG Gets Request from George Santos for House Drag Queen Story Hour

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) spoke to Fox News this morning...

Greene Will Chair House Subcommittee on Presidential Offspring Dick Pics

When Rep. Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) squeaked through on his fifteenth attempt...

GA Grand Jury Wants to Indict Trump on Charges of Being a Daughter Lusting Sore Loser

A grand jury in Georgia has concluded its work, and according...

Local Conservative Celebrates Social Justice Warrior Who Used Cancel Culture and Taught CRT

Today, Jethro Bohiggins woke up, packed a wad of Skoal into...

Biden to Confiscate Gas Stoves and Put Them in Same FEMA Camps as Obama’s Guns

Over the course of the next two years, President Joe Biden...

House GOP Will Investigate If Biden’s Missing Docs Contained Obama’s Real Birth Certificate

House Republicans announced today that they intend to open a congressional...

She Can’t Spell “FAA” But She’s Certain the Outage is Pete Buttigieg’s Fault

No one has ever accused Congresswoman Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) of being...

Ben Shapiro’s Wife Volunteers Him to Dry Up California

Heavy rains in California have been battering the state off and...