Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Progressive Voter Would Rather Have Another Trump Term Than an Imperfectly Progressive Candidate

NEARSIGHTED VALLEY, MICHIGAN -- 42 year old John Jacobson considers himself...

Lindsey Graham Wants to Lindsey Graham to Testify Why Lindsey Graham Was So Anti-Trump in 2016

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator Lindsey Graham (R-Trump's Sphincter) is unsure that...

Lahren: “Non-White Portrayals of Baby Jesus Put You on Santa’s Naughty List”

With just days before Christmas, Fox News contributing racist Tabula Lahren...

Tomi Lahren: “Non-White Portrayals of Baby Jesus Put You on Santa’s Naughty List”

With just days before Christmas, Fox News contributing racist Tabula Lahren...

Santa Asks Trump If He Can Bring Gifts to All The Good Little Boys and Girls in Concentration Camps

NORTH POLE, EARTH -- The San-T-Claus Corporation, a corporate entity responsible...

Country’s Biggest Shit Wants Nationwide Toilet Probe

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The biggest, smelliest, and dumbest fecal-human hybrid in...

McConnell Promises to Hold Impeachment Trial in Moscow

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said today that...