Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Biden Promises to Brief Greene, Boebert on Downed Aircraft as Soon as They Can Spell “UFO”

Congresswomen Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) and Lauren Boebert (Low IQ, CO)...

Kari Lake Tells Newsmax She Can Prove The Eagles Actually Won Super Bowl LVII

In an interview this morning, certified election loser and Not Arizona's...

Why Does Matt Walsh Think About My Sons’ Dicks So Often?

Don't get me wrong. I'm sure that he has all kinds...

DeSantis: NASA Has to Rename Black Holes Because All Holes Matter in Florida

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is on a mission to de-woke his...

In New Harry Potter Game, Hogwarts is a Bible College With Matt Walsh as Headmaster

Fans of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter -- a multibillion...

DeSantis Wants $6 Billion to Build Bonfire Pits at Every Florida Library

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (Q) wants the state's legislature to give...

Smithsonian Apologizes for Escaped Horse Faced Cave Troll’s Disruptions During State of the Union

Last night, one of the Smithsonian's displays came alive and escaped...

Jesus Really Loved Sam Smith’s and Kim Petras’ Grammy Performance

Many conservative commentators have been apoplectic about singers Sam Smith and...

Scientist Proves MTG is a Barely Sentient Glob of Congealed Mayonnaise in a Vanilla Pudding Cup

A world-renowned medical researcher announced results of a groundbreaking study he...