Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Trump Demands President of Utah Investigate Mitt Romney

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- To say that Senator Mitt Romney (R-UT) surprised...

Trump to Also Give Limbaugh the Presidential Medal of Oxycontin and Racism

WASHINGTON., D.C. -- Last night, President Donald J. Trump delivered his...

Trumpers Outraged “Classless” Pelosi Ripped Up Pussy Grabbing, Nazi Defending Birther’s Speech

All across America, patriotic, tough, hard-as-nails, salt of the earth, bootstrap...

Murkowski Knows OJ Did It, But Glad He Got Off Anyway

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When it's all said and done, Senator Lisa...

Buttigieg Declares Himself Winner of 2020 General Election

JUMTHAGUN, NEW HAMPSHIRE -- Last night and this morning, South Bend...

Things You Can Do With Diarrhea That Are Like Watching Trump’s State of the Union

President Donald Trump will deliver what could be his final State...

Lung Cancer Devastated to Find Out It Has Advanced Rush Limbaugh

Lung Cancer shocked the carcinogenic community today when it revealed what...

Disney Sues to Shut Down Production and Sale of “Baby Dildoda”

ANASLIME, CALIFORNIA -- The Walt Disney Company filed paperwork in court...

Pence: “Clearly What We Need is a Wholesome Halftime Show With Bible Verses and Exposed Penises”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The NFL's Super Bowl Halftime show has become...

Trump Orders Corporate Merger of Kansas and Missouri

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- An errant presidential tweet may lead to the...