Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Papa John’s Unveils New “Deep Dish Deep State Pizza”

Flagging sales inspire a new "pizza" variety.

Trump Demands Toyota Immediately Produce Vaccine for “Corollavirus”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald J. Trump has issued and official...

The Donald’s Campaign Unveils New MAGA Hoods

Have you seen the newest Trump hat?

Trump Supporters Demand Football Hall of Fame Remove Socialist Barry Sanders

The Pro Football Hall of Fame released a statement regarding a...

Trump Issues Executive Order for Dow Jones to Work Like Golf Scores

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As the markets opened today, the Dow Jones...

President Acknowledges He Had to Buy His Sons’ Way Into Trump University

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last year, America was rocked by a scandal...

Spoiler Alert: You’re a Fucking Asshole

Hey, you! Yeah, you! I hope you're sitting down, and in...

Mike Pence Orders CDC to Quadruple Thought and Prayer Capacity to Combat Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As his first official act in the capacity...