Totally Bulls*it News

She Told Her Boyfriend She’s Keeping Her Vote Secret Until He Finds Her Clit

Regular readers will recall that one of the things we pride ourselves on most here is our ability to secure interviews with the nation's...

Bill Barr Is Totally Outraged (Wink, Wink) by Trump’s Inappropriate Tweets (Wink, Wink)

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Attorney General William Barr is, like, really very...

Tennessee Democrats Considering a 48-Hour Waiting Period for Erections

NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE -- In 2015, conservatives in Deep Red Tennesee seriously...

Study Shows 85% of Monopoly Money Used to Snort Pixy Stix

A new study just published by the National Institute of Studying...

President Trump Devastated First Lady Forgot Him On Valentine’s Day Again This Year

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's Valentine's Day today, but that doesn't mean...

Pundit Who Spent 35 Years Turning GOP Into Cult Trump Could Exploit Has Advice On Democratic Nominee

For thirty-five years, William G. Williamson has written op-ed columns for...

Hillary Clinton Offers to Represent Roger Stone at Future Parole Hearings

LAKE FOREST, NEW YORK -- Former Secretary of State and 2016...

5 Reasons You Should Not Vote for Bernie Sanders

Should you vote for Bernie Sanders? We have no clue. Seriously....

Middle-Aged Man Should Probably Be Better at Fucking By Now

LAGO DEL FLACIDO, CALIFORNIA -- Skip Languido is a 42 year...

Trump Campaign Buys Hundreds of Thousands of Tiki Torches in Anticipation of Rally Crowd Sizes

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump's re-election campaign issued a financial...

Bloomberg Offers $500 to Any Voter Who Lets Him Stop and Frisk Them

FORT OLIE GARK, SOUTH CAROLINA -- At a campaign stop in...