Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Woman Doesn’t Think Her Cat Cares That She Was Diagnosed With Coronavirus

FELIX HILLS, MINNESOTA -- A woman and her cat are currently...

David Avocado Wolfe and Gwyneth Paltrow Appointed to Coronavirus Response Team

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though his administration is telling Americans that the...

Mark Meadows Named White House Grand Imperial Chief of Staff

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, Donald Trump announced that his loyal and...

Alex Jones Asks Why Trump Administration Hasn’t Used Anti-Coronavirus Chemtrails to Protect America

CABEZA MIERDA SPRINGS, TEXAS -- Far-right shock jock Alex Jones went...

After Browsing Five Streaming Services for 12 Hours, Couple’s Choices Narrowed to Three Shows

It started simply and innocently enough. Melissa asked her boyfriend Tim...

Trump Orders Toyota to Produce Vaccine for “Corollavirus”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald J. Trump has issued and official...

NRA Backs Trump’s Proposed ‘Second Amendment Cure’ for Coronavirus

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA -- The National Rifle Association has released a statement...

She Didn’t Want to Be a Bernie Bro, She Was Just 22 and Liked Policies That Made Her Future Brighter

Kirsten Tomjanovich is a Bernie Bro. Yes, she's biologically a female,...

Trump Awards Tiger Woods Presidential Medal of Adultery

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last year, President Donald Trump gave golf champion...