Totally Bulls*it News

I Tried the New McMoron Combo Meal. 0/10

By no means would I call myself a "gourmet." Maybe a "gourmand," but I'm not really even sure about that. Whatever the label you...

Poll: 70% of Americans Believe Trump Should Self-Quarantine in Hole Six Feet Underground

The results of a new poll, released just today, indicate that...

Report: People Were Socially Distancing Themselves From You Way Before Coronavirus

The CDC has recently issued guidelines for reducing the spread of...

President Agrees to Coronavirus Test After Being Assured It Has No Spelling or Math Questions

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Since the start of the global pandemic outbreak...

Postponed Coachella Will Now Offer $1200 Boutique Coronavirus Testing Tent

CALIFORNIA -- This week, under mounting pressure from a potential pandemic...

Disneyland Having All Its Caribbean Pirates Tested for Coronavirus

ANASLIME, CALIFORNIA -- The Walt Disney Company announced this week that...

Quarantined Cruise Passenger: Ship Talent Show ‘Far Worse’ Than Coronavirus Outbreak

ST. FRANK, CALIFORNIA -- When she boarded the Queen's Line cruise...

Update: There Are Still LEGO On The Goddamned Floor

EL PIESANGRIENTO, CALIFORNIA -- Sources are confirming at the time of...

Federal Reserve Funds $1.5 Trillion in Universal Bank Care

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In bold, decisive action this week, the Federal...

Married Couple Might Get to Fuck Again Some Day

SAN GUILLERMO, CALIFORNIA -- Neither one of them are to blame,...

Trump Accuses ‘Mr. Dow Jones’ of Being a Never Trumper

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump lashed out angrily at "Mr....